Hope does not put us to shame.

If I hope all my life for healing and never receive it, am I a fool? Some would say yes. Last year I probably would have said that that kind of hope is a waste of time. That it is easier and wiser to expect little and then be surprised if something great happens. But that is unbelief. Why? Because the Lord delivers. Even if the world thinks we are fools for hoping, who is the world to us anyways? We were saved from the world a long time ago.

When I was sick, I was afraid to say that the Lord would heal me because I was afraid to give off the impression that I had an understanding of the Lord's plans. I thought it implied that I knew what was best. Because to me, claiming healing was me looking God in the eyes and saying I deserved healing and needed healing. Neither were true.

I mention this now because all of these emotions have resurfaced this week as I have been caring for a young woman with an autoimmune disease. A disease which has left her bed ridden for over a year, and sick for over six years.

I see in her what was in me last year. A fear to dream. A fear to hope because so many times she has gained enough trust and energy to hope that her next treatment will work, only to be tragically disappointed. Her symptoms get better and worse with no logical explanation. Who would expect someone to hope in a situation like that? As I was thinking that very thought last night I remembered . . .Jesus expects that.

As we were talking late into last night, trying to get her mind off of her pain, I could not help but think of Romans 5:5, "...hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Hope does not put us to shame.
I felt silly wanting to tell her to keep hoping. It seemed so right for her to give up already. I mean. . .it has been years since she was healthy, so giving that sort of advice made me feel naive.

But there is no shame in believing against great odds that the Lord will. . . Provide, Heal, Comfort, Restore. Still - I am so human. I look at what is around me and judge the odds on that. I forget that what is inside me is much more powerful than what is around me. Every doubt and darkness pales in comparison to the power of the One inside me.

We are free to be undignified. We are free to hope when all worldly signs say we are foolish and naive. If we hope but never see the restoration we long for this side of paradise, we are still incredibly blessed. Look at Joni Eareckson Tada or any other number of believers that are suffering from chronic illness. I believe that those people see a side of the Lord's mercy and grace that those who are healthy may never see - and it is truly beautiful. And on the other hand, if we hope and are restored...well there is no other joy on earth like that. Believe me, I have felt it.

We will never be made a fool by believing in the God of creation. Hope does not put us to shame. I have to constantly disconnect what I see on the outside to what I know on the inside. If I forget,  my humanness takes over and it feels like there is nothing strong enough out there. Remember Abraham, Noah, and Mary - to name a few. Their hope against all logic, hope against all hope, did not put them to shame. And we serve the same God today that they served then.